resigning from kindy before we even start

So, parenting is a super personal topic, and it’s easy to get into deep water when discussing parenting choices. Thus, before we get into the story of kindy, I want to emphasize that the opinions in here are purely personal and related to us; they are not in judgment of other parents’ choices. I believe we all make choices that are best for our families, whatever they may be. So there be it.

Our original plan has always been “for one of us to stay home with the kids until they’re at least three”. Coming to Innvik and not having many places to meet kids Leona’s age, we ended up applying for a kindy spot for the fall without having time to think it though first, as the deadline was sprung upon us day-of. After applying and getting a spot, we started visiting the kindergarten one to two afternoons per week for an hour or so each time.

We looked at these visits as both important social interactions as well as a slow getting-used-to-the-environment-teachers-and-kids for when she would start for reals, where we were thinking she would go in the morning and then I'd pick her up after lunch – unless she wanted to stay longer. The plan was if she wasn’t able to painlessly adjust, we would just reneg the spot, seeing as I’m at home with Eliana anyways. But we would give it a go at least, because she craves interactions with other kids (even if they only end up being visual the majority of the time), and those are not easy to come by outside of the school system here in this small village.

During the past almost four months of observing the kindergarten as well as Leona, we have now decided to not even give it a try; we will be handing in the ‘letter of resignation’ next week. When we finally made that decision, to just straight up pull out, it felt so good, so right, a sigh of relief, and I am actually surprised at how long we held on to the idea of at least giving it a try.

I know kids generally thrive there, enjoy themselves, are happy, learn a lot of important social skills and get a lot of important social stimulation. The teachers are really nice and have been extremely including and welcoming to us, and I fully enjoy their positivity and warmth.

But I also have seen that it is an unnecessary amount of all of the goodness (read: stimulation and social interaction) really, for kids Leona’s age and younger especially. They handle it fine, and are learning good coping skills. Sure. But for Leona, I don’t think it’s necessary for her to learn it all right now – there’s plenty of time to do so later, when she has an even stronger and more solid place to build from. I mean, since we have the opportunity – make the opportunity – for her to keep staying at home with me and Eliana, I don't feel the importance of kindy.

I also see the kids learn a lot of social behaviors that are not beneficial. Not that they are irreversible, but I think they’re not positive. And that is because there are so many kids (25 max) that there cannot be an adult present with each group that forms organically at all times, when they are playing outside. And they play outside a majority of the day, in their outdoor areas - from 10am onward except for during winter when it is after lunch and onward.

[A taste of what's available in terms of trike-action]

I strongly feel that kids Leona’s age and younger still need a lot of help, in their interactions, so that they learn to respect each other and not hurt each other. Not always, but often enough. They of course need space to try and figure things out on their own, but having an adult who can jump in when needed, before someone hits or bites or pushes someone else – or right after if things move too quickly – is important. To help them through the situation. And at kindy that is not possible. So I see kids learning that they only have to respect a peer’s loud cry, not a simple verbal ‘no’ or ‘don’t’, and from the other perspective, they are learning that their ‘no’ or ‘don’t’ doesn’t need to be respected.

I see kids who are not able to control their impulses yet repeatedly hurt other kids; this is especially true for the ‘biter’ in the group, and that he isn’t able to get the help he should during this developmental stage. Of course these things can be unlearned later, but…they’re unnecessary and unpositive.

I also see the younger kids being overwhelmed, stressed, overstimulated. Not all the time, but enough of the time that, again, is something I find to be unnecessary for Leona to have to cope with right now, especially seeing as she doesn’t thrive in crowds, even small ones.

I see a change in the kids when they’re around five (?). Increased confidence, increased social skills, though also increased – or purposeful – bullying in at least one that is not natural developmental stuff all kids do. I am unsure how the teachers approach and work with such bullying issues, and it would have been a question I brought up with them when I sat down to discuss this and other questions and concerns regarding ‘kindy and Leona’ prior to her start.

And then there is a part of the kindergarten schedule I feel is a bit much for Leona-as-a-three-year-old, and that it would be more fitting when she’s 4.5. It is their weekly village-walkabout, for the kids 3 and older, where they go on an all after-morning until afternoon walk to different places. I think it is a great activity, it’s not that, but for a kid as young as Leona, the stress of going somewhere ‘uncertain’, meaning not a routine same-place-every-time place, with a big group, the social interactions with other kids as well as adults and the pressure it brings with it, is too much for that age.

I discussed this (and all my other items of concern/contemplation) with one of my closest friends in Norway, who is the pedagogic manager for her department at a really leading edge kindergarten in Trondheim. She said the main point of complaints from their kids’ parents is that they wait to include the kids in this activity (it seems to be a widespread and common activity-type in Norwegian kindergartens) until the kids are well past the 4 year mark, basically for the reasons stated above. But many parents … people … in Norway have a deep and pressing relationship with (read: fixation on) the outdoors, and are proud to not let weather influence that relationship. That story’s for another day, though.

There is also the issue of sugar – cake or ice cream for birthdays, though I believe this is supposed to be curbed, it appears not to be completely. This of course would have been another point I raised with them if Leona was to start there. Sugar has no place in a kindergarten – the kids can have as much as their parents allow when they’re at home, imo.

And lastly there’s the financial aspect. Seeing as we are currently a no-income family, spending the NOK2,500 a month for a full-time spot (or NOK1,700 for a 3-day-a-week spot) is way outside our budget. Not that we wouldn’t do it if we felt it was right and best for Leona, because our savings could take the hit, but instead of spending this amount on kindy, we can take a portion of it and invest in educational stuff for our home, like a good quality play kitchen, more art materials when the stuff we already bought runs low, other education-quality toys, etc. This will not only benefit Leona, but also Eliana, and make it easier for me to keep them occupied and stimulated.

So my hope now is just that we will still be welcome to continue to come visit, like we have been doing. I think that it is actually enough for Leona, for her external peer-social stimulation, a couple hours a week. And if they say it is not convenient for them that we continue visiting (I doubt they will say it, but if), then at least we have made some connections with the kids her age already, and I have gotten to know some of their parents as I’ve met them around the village; one dad is even a boy who was in the ‘same’ class as me when we lived here when I was 9 (second and third grades were together a majority of the time; he was in second grade, I was in third).

Plus, we have such an awesome and comfortable routine that would get way-out-of-stress if we were to try and get her to kindy in the mornings. Seriously. Life is good. Despite my near-constant sleep-deprived state.

 

 

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