little drops of wisdom

[Thanks Nokia Camera! Love this shot~~]

Every time Leona uses certain phrasing in her speech, I get a huge smile inside. These phrasings are core to what I strive (operative word) for every day, every interaction. Praising specifics, process, effort and virtues. Focusing on connecting with her body, listening to it, and respecting what it is telling her. Acknowledging and accepting struggle and difficult and powerful emotions. And with food likes and dislikes, focusing on ‘right now’ vs ‘later’.

Examples. I often hear:

• Eliana’s working so hard. You (meaning Leona) are working so hard.
• You are so careful. The tractor is so careful (when it was carefully maneuvering itself to gently pick up the big eggs filled with straw that it had laid earlier, to transport them to their storage area).

[One of the tractor eggs]

• You are so happy (right after she belly-laughs).
• You were so sad, you were having such a hard time…that’s ok (after she is done crying/screaming).
• Two girls are helping – two girls are so helpful (when they interested in all the little parts and screwing things together … were getting in the way … when we were putting together her play kitchen).
• I don’t have to pee – I checked in with my bladder (this was a common phrase I used when she just started not wearing her diaper, because if I just asked her if she needed to pee her automatic response was ‘no’, so I would put my hand over my bladder and ask her to check in with her bladder. She would then do the same, wait a second, and then say yes or no. This ‘sign’ was also helpful for asking her if she had to pee when she was across the playground).
• I’m eating so much – I am so hungry (she is a small eater, so when she eats a lot, we often comment on it perhaps a little surprised, and I make sure to say that it is so good that she is listening to her body, that she must have been quite hungry, etc.).
• Please don’t (when she doesn’t want us to do something).
• It’s ‘portant (important – emphasis added by her) (she uses this for everything and nothing. It is important that she use sunscreen, that she eats ice cream, that she listens to her body, that she gets to swing…you get the picture.
• I don’t like xyz (food) yet. Maybe I will like it later/when I get bigger (emphasis added by me; this is key for us, as there are a lot of foods she does not like right now, but since tastes change, and we need to taste something on average 17 times or something like that to like it, there’s a good chance she will like it in the future. Plus I don’t want her to think of herself as a picky eater. So I make sure that when she says she doesn’t like it, I say confirmingly that she doesn’t like it yet; maybe she will like it later/next time).

Another example of phrasing rubbing off is yesterday when Leona was wanting to eat watermelon but she still had food left from her dinner. I smiled big when heard Judge use the phrasing: You have to finish xyz first. If you finish xyz and are still hungry, you can have some watermelon (emphasis added by me). This is another key phrasing I am focused on, so that eating food is not a reward/punishment. We started experiencing her asking for something then changing her mind when she got it and asking for something else, or not finishing it – just taking a few bites, and so we discussed this with her, and clarified that the new rule was that if she was hungry, she had to finish her food before eating something else, but if she wasn’t hungry then she of course didn’t need to eat it – that it is important she listens to her body.

Man how I love these people!

 

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