Living at the in-laws'

So, 2.5 weeks ago we moved into Judge's parents' place. The night before we did the final move, I was finally able to achieve something that has been hanging over me for more than a year - move past the past. It was something I had wanted to do for as long, tried to do for as long, and continued to fail at miserably. I had made the choice many times to succeed, but not been committed to it - not truly wanted to perhaps.

Choosing to agree to move 'back' as is required culturally made it all blow up in my emotions, forced me to face it and finally deal with it in order to not sink our marriage. Originally I was planning on faking it - but I am very much someone who cannot - or is perhaps unwilling - to hide my emotions. And so instead, I made the choice again. But fully went for it - and that night, like flicking a light switch, I was past. It is an amazing feeling. I have to work on keeping the light switch flicked though, as it is not coming naturally yet, but I am totally successful so far!

Right now, however, we have the house to ourselves, as Judge's mom headed over to China to hang with his dad for a month. It's nice to have our 'own' place again, so soon ;) And every day I walk over to grandma's house and eat a proper dinner, and Leona gets to be held by her great-grand-uncle, great-grand-mother, grand-auntie and uncle, and sometimes her auntie (cousin-auntie) when she's home from university.

Speaking of her great-grand-uncle. For ever it's been like clockwork at dinner time over there - he arrives, eats, has a smoke outside and leaves. Now that Leona's around though, once he's done eating he will hold her as long as he can, meaning he's not leaving right away (!) [obviously]. He even came over to our place to drop of spring-water one time, and held her for a bit. I thought he'd just hold her maybe a couple of minutes and then go, but to my surprise he stayed around 15-20 min or so. Best thing about it is I've finally learned to relax when they hold her and interact with her, now that she is a bit bigger and a bit more stable.

It's not all happy-shiny though, as there are some hiccups barreling towards us. I am struggling with flicking that switch on these items, making me feel ok about them, so that I do not have a perpetual stink-face when I have to deal with them: the things related to the make-up wedding banquet that we have to attend on Nov 5th...as it is for us.

I decided as soon as I found out we had to have it that I am not inviting anyone to it, as it is not even close to the kind of celebration we would want for us. I am quite the unfan of the wedding banquets here - of course if it's your cup of tea then they're perfect for you and there's no judgement of any kind, but it is very much not me.

I know it is important for his family though, as it is proclaiming to the world that they have accepted me as their daughter (in-law). But truthfully, if there was no make-up dinner I'd be totally (*totally*) fine with that.

We are going to keep it as simple as we possibly can - as it is 'just' a make-up dinner it looks like we can get away with not doing a lot of stuff. We aim to just have the entering and introducing of us and his parents, and the walk around to each table toasting (these two are definite musts). No slide-shows, no bouquet 'toss' (it's done a bit different here), no speeches (? perhaps in the introducing of us his parents will say something??), no cake-cutting, no dance, no nothing. Hopefully.

One other thing we cannot get out of doing are the glamour shots. Ugh. So tomorrow we are going up to Taipei to choose the gowns we will rent (two for me - one for the shoot and one for the dinner...thankfully my sister-in-law spoke on my behalf and got it to be just one for the dinner...usually it is three).

The glamour shoot will be a family shoot though, since Judge and I totally didn't want to do it - it is very (very) much not us as well. But as there's a minimum number of shots in a package his parents are taking the opportunity to update their family glamour shots I guess. And then a couple pictures of just us two I think, as big poster-sized ones need to be hung at the banquet.

The thing is, I am very bad at being requested to do stuff. I tend to want to not do it, no matter what it is, if it is requested of me...even if technically it is something I would want to do (the shots and dinner do not fall under this umbrella though). Silly, I know. Juvenile, perhaps. Anyhow, with the glamour shoot, I know I should just have fun with it, as it is something we have to do. But because we have to do it, I just can't get the stink out of me. I really should just flick that switch on these things too though. It'd make my own life oh-so much easier, as well as those who have to deal with my stink-facedness.

Perhaps every time I feel a stink coming on I should just think of this face:

How could it not brighten up my soul? I am seriously in love with this shot - and the little lady in it of course ;)


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