sleep

Our little girl has been fussy/screamy from the start. Now that she's almost two months old we kind of have gotten better at understanding what she needs, and more often than not it is to burp (and after burping to eat). Also, the screaming has gotten a *lot* less than it was during the first month, and we're better at rocking her (again, chicken or the egg kunundrum, but in any event screaming = less).

However, a struggle we have come across is getting her to sleep. Well, we have been facing this since day one (or day 8 to be exact, when we got to bring her home with us). She usually is wakeful/fussy all evening and doesn't sleep until around 2am. Throughout these hours she will feed, fuss, we will walk/burp her, she will fall asleep, we will put her down, she will wake up within a few minutes and start to fuss, we will walk/burp her and/or feed her, etc etc. Often once we get a last burp out of her she can fall right asleep, but that is after hours of this routine.

I thought that since she is able to fall asleep when we lay her down after 'the last burp' that it may just be that she needs to burp, and that this is making her uncomfortable and thus waking her up after we lay her down, etc. But perhaps it is rather that by then she is exhausted and ready to sleep finally.

Lately I have begun to wonder if we perhaps have been developing in her the need to be walked/rocked/bounced to sleep as it is not only during the evening fuss, and more worrysome the need to sleep in our arms (though every night she is able to sleep on the bed, it is just that it takes us so long to get to that stage, and by then she is way over-tired - as are we, making me think perhaps she just doesn't have more energy to stay awake after a certain point).

Last night by a bit after 2am I couldn't deal with it any more - having to hold/rock/bounce/try-to-get-rid-of-her-fuss - after she had fallen asleep on me and then suddenly woke up and started crying really hard and rocking/holding her didn't help at all when it usually calms her at least. So I just laid her down beside me to take a breath.

Previously during the day we have found that sometimes when she is fussy if we lay her down she is happy and content (!), so we have tried that at night, but it's been very unsuccessful, where during her first month she'd go to instant 100% purple-screaming with writhing.  But last night she just vocalized her displeasure half-heartedly - along with some squirming.

So instead of picking her up again thinking she needed to burp I just sat beside her and patted and stroked her chest/tummy and spoke softly to her (I do something similar in the morning sometimes too, after Judge goes to work and I still need sleep but she doesn't seem to be able to fall asleep after a feeding...she lays there and kicks and squirms and I make sure we're in physical contact and then sleep on-and-off).

Last night I did this for maybe 30-45 min, and she fell asleep (well, she fell asleep a few times but finally by around 3am it was the real-deal)!

I also sometimes think about how rocking/swaying her seems to make her zone out (and fall asleep eventually) rather than be present, and so become unsure if it is the best solution. Of course sometimes we need a break and her zoning out provides this if she's been fussy for a long time (well, break from fussiness, not from tiredness from walking/holding/bouncing/rocking). And I know that me on a hammock makes me feel a bit zoned out and pretty darned comfortable so it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative~~

Anyhow, I know that by now she developmentally is able to fall asleep on her own, and that it is helpful if we create a bed-time routine. Well, I guess we have created a routine already - just not one I really want to continue with.

Before she was born I envisioned the routine to go something like this:
- bath
- story and lullaby
- lay her down and be close to her
- she falls asleep

With her fussiness however such a quiet, peaceful routine just won't work. I am hoping that I can repeat yesterday's success however, just a bit earlier in the night, and eventually she will become better at falling asleep on her own.

Of course I am more than willing to go through the feed/burp/fuss if it's what she needs, and more than happy to hold her and cuddle her if that's what she needs too - day and evening, but it seems sometimes it is my assumptions about what she needs that leads my actions rather than her actual needs (ie. sometimes she seems to rather want to lay on her own than in our arms, as long as we're close by and she can engage us instantly by looking towards us if she feels the need).

Anyhow, currently as of right now, in order to get some editing (and blogging) done, she is sleeping in a sling on my lap~~. I don't mind it, as being close, feeling my heartbeat and breathing, is good for her (and me) I believe. But I am hoping that also this can be adjusted for some of her day-naps, so that she can have some of them laying on her own allowing me to get a bit more stuff done...sooner rather than later ;)

Ah, the adventures we are on!


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