our story

So, I realized I have never taken the time to write ‘our story’ - or rather my half of 'our story' - in English (I have it in Chinese on my other blog).

I have also not yet introduced to you fully this man I love so deeply and who is so wonderful for and to me.

These two oversights need to be rectified! So here, first, is my half of ‘our story’ (be warned, it is long):

Now, in Chinese there is this thing called 緣份, which is basically fate. And there is this great story about how ‘the old man under the moon’ decides who we are fated to love and be with by tying our strings together (everyone has a string attached to them. He holds all the strings in his hands, joining pairs as he sees fit).

[Side-notes: He is also the explanation for why some people are gay, as he sometimes accidentally ties two same-genders together – ah, gotta love ancient Chinese wisdom! Also, it is due to this that the 'tossing' of the bridal bouquett in Chinese weddings consists of predetermined single ladies - friends of the couple - who get called up onto stage. Each lady gets to choose a ribbon that looks like it is attached to the bouquette, and then they all pull together on the count of three. All except one will come loose, leaving one lucky lady fated to get married next].

Anyhow, I’m not a big proponent of fate – I believe we have will, but at the same time I think our story is quite amazing. So many little twists and turns that could have led us to have never met, that our 緣份 truly runs deep.

It all started when I was around 12 years old, and found that breaking (breakdancing) was something I thought was super cool and wish-o-wished I could do! I never pursued it though, perhaps partially because I didn’t like making a fool of myself, and that is something you most definitely do when you’re first starting out (I didn’t like to not be good at things).

In grade 9, after living in Norway for several years, I wanted to leave as I had been influenced by my sister’s strong dislike for it there. I really wanted to move back to Hawaii, but high school in Hawaii is not so great (generous understatement). By chance I looked through the pamphlets a friend of mine had from a Baha’i high school on Vancouver Island in Canada. My friend who originally was going to apply ended up not doing so, and rather it was a random me who ended up going.

In high school I kind of got 'back' into dancing and breaking, a touch, but not full-on by any means. I was still rhythmically challenged, and basically just got by on my gymnastic skills. It did respark my desire...but once again I didn't pursue it.

However, high school is where I had my first run-in with Taiwanese friends and the culture, which obviously has had an immense long-term impact on me.

Part of that (probably a majority of that) impact came from marrying a high school friend who was Taiwanese, and integrating into his Taiwanese group and life in Vancouver, and his parents’ full acceptance of me. When the marriage ended several years later, I found myself feeling like there was a part of me that was Taiwanese, and I realized that just because I had lost a husband and marriage didn’t mean I had to lose this part of me.

The end of the marriage freed me in many ways. I started (re)discovering myself, and found the courage to pursue that long-held dream of mine: Breaking. Took a week off work specifically so that I could attend a breaking boot-camp (well, a 1 hr class for five days), and found myself slowly entering the underground community, until I was fully integrated, and was accepted into my first crew: Japanada.

[Month or two into it - at Robson Square - one of our practice spots]

During this time I also started investigating moving to Taiwan, as there was nothing that would be holding me to Canada once I had gotten my CMA designation, Hawaii was still not a great place to set up camp, and I still was not feeling Norway. About a year later, after having completed the divorce process and the day after having completed my CMA designation, I was on a plane to Taipei with all my worldly possessions stuffed into two big bags (one including my honkin huge and insanely heavy adapter for my Norwegian waffle iron!), a back-pack, my registration papers for the school I had decided on for my Mandarin studies, an address to a hostel, and bboy contact information. All one needs to start out on a new adventure. The plan: Live life, in Taiwan, indefinitely.

Having lent my savings to my dad that were to tide me over for my first year so I could focus on studying and adventuring, I found myself taking over one of my flat-mate's under-the-table teaching jobs 3 months into my stay – just enough work (2 hours a day) to break-even for living and studies. However, after a police-scare, I realized working under-the-table was not my cup o tea as I couldn’t stomach the thought of being deported, and so I started looking for proper jobs. Found and applied for a job in a central city – admin assistant at a university’s language center. As an accountant, I did the calculation breaking down the monthly salary to hourly, and found it to be acceptable (much less that I would like to be earning coming from a 'Controller' position at Cactus, but acceptable as it was not teaching English~ and it was working in a Chinese speaking office environment! This experience, I was hoping, would give me language experience and lead me into a proper management accounting position later).

After the interview I went to the local neighborhood god’s temple up where I lived, which I frequented daily on my way to or from Mandarin class, and asked him to put in a good word for me with the local neighborhood god that took care of the area the university was located at. Few days later I got the offer call, and a week or so later I had moved down to a new city (after of course thanking the local neighborhood god for his help).

Now, once I started working, I re-did the calculation for monthly-to-hourly earnings, and realized that somehow I had made a big mistake (and I still call myself an accountant); I would be earning almost half the hourly wage I had originally calculated! So low, in fact, that I would not have accepted the position had I calculated it correctly to begin with. However, as 'luck' would have it, the university could not get me a working visa on such a low salary, and thus had to boost it…and lo-and-behold I ended up earning close to my originally calculated amount.

I found the bboy practice spot on campus the second day or so, and showed up much to the shocked faces of the bboys there. Only one guy came over initially and really talked with me, opening with that he had failed first year English twice, and then throughout practice we chatted – mostly bboying stuff and him doing a move and asking me what it was called in English etc. After my first practice this guy (yes, ‘this guy’ is Judge) and another bboy (Boomer – the guy I had gotten contact with first who told me where they practiced) walked me back to the dorm I was living in, we got tea and a late-night snack on the way, and got to talking. This would end up being an often occurance. When Judge heard how old I was his response was a surprised “Damn you’re old!!” [I am 6-8 years older than all of them]. Gotta love it!

Over the next months I integrated fully into this awesome group of guys, practicing with them every evening, Judge giving everyone who was not there yet when he turned up a call asking where we were, and just loving life. Judge and I became really good friends – and as he was with a girl we were all certain he would marry, it was a wonderful, platonic friendship, with no messy chemistry.

[Much of the gang and Nastja - my little sister who I had 'shipped over' when she was 11 for a vist; 

Judge is front-right]

[After a performance - Judge is standing to picture-left/flesh-right of me.]

His girlfriend ended up dumping him though, to everyone’s utter surprise, and after a while our friendship evolved naturally into something more.

[On a scooter adventure in the mountains - Spring 2007]

After about half a year or more of living and working there, I started looking into master’s programs as I had found out I could get a free ride (great scholarship program here for foreigners!) – I wanted to go either East or South as I hadn’t lived there yet. Found a university with a good program and amazing location far south (right on the beach, with a mountain – and monkeys – behind it) and was geared on that one, but realized the city is really polluted and you shouldn’t go swimming too much due to this. This, of course, would be torture...ocean right at my toe-tips but not dipping them in daily!, and so I decided on another program at a better recognized university (in Taiwan) in a city a tiny bit further north of there – this new city happened to be the ‘cultural capital’ of Taiwan so seemed it would be a good choice for me for the next leg on my adventure. And boy was I right!

Judge was taking his master’s entrance exams around then as well, and we thought he’d get into the really good university up by his hometown. Ends up he didn't, but rather got accepted to the same university I had chosen – it’s the top (or one of the top) university in his field as well, and so instead of the relationship potentially coming to a close 8 months after it started (I don’t know if I would have done a long-distance relationship at that point) 'by luck' it continued, strengthened, blossomed and deepened into what we have now.

[Judge's uni grad photo-day - spring 2007]

If it wasn’t for bboying, a terrible first marriage that left me with a gem of Taiwan (and a better understanding of what I was looking for in a life-long partner), my savings being loaned away, and a grave miscalculation of salary (by a certified management accountant!), we would have never met. If it wasn’t for our friendship being able to develop platonically first, a polluted city, and him being accepted to his second-pick school, I don’t think we would have started dating and had the relationship continue. Even his parents’ strong refusal to even see me, let alone consider accepting me until recently, helped put us through a fire that purified and solidified what we have (it was either that or burn right through our connection if it wasn’t strong enough, and we would have been on our separate ways).

The path that brought us together baffles me at times, and what we have fills me with a wondrous sense of great blessings, joy, warmth, and of course a deep, deep love. Sitting here, writing this to share with you, makes me also smile as I think about how each of you reading this have been a part of various legs of my journey from Maui to Innvik to Steinkjer to Maxwell to Alta to Vancouver to Taiwan (this includes those few of you who have joined my journey more recently by following along on my ramblings here and sending us supportive energy), and hope dearly that those of you who have not yet had a chance to meet him will soon.

[Taken over Chinese New Year's 2011]

[Borrowed from Auntie's album - taken at 2011's Chinese New Year's Eve family dinner - first CNYE family dinner I have been able to attend...huge for us and especially Judge, as it is something we have been hoping and wishing and waiting for for 4 years~!]

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